There are days when you’d think that you deserve to be somewhere else – that everything is tiring, and that this isn’t worth all the overtimes & daily insanity you feel.
But then you remember that here, you have your comfort zone.
9 months with you isn’t a joke. It isn’t a short period that I can let go once I find a different path and finally decide to free myself from something that keeps on dragging me to the depths of emotional misery.
A day never passes by that we don’t rant about our situation – that we don’t tell one another how much we want to get out of this place. And today was the worst for me – today was the day that I sat on my chair, faced my computer, and found tears rolling down my foundation-covered face while updating a JFC project. I am at the point that I am so tired and I feel helpless, and I feel the need to reevaluate the situation – because this is no longer healthy for me – mentally & emotionally. Even physically, in fact.
But the thing is, I told you. Telling you was a mistake for my ego. Because I realized that I can never grope the courage and urge to leave you. How can you leave a place where there is comfort in the midst of stress?
You are that, for me.
Imagine how overwhelmed I am – it’s 5:58 PM and I still lack 7 projects (I have 7 linked *baka awayin nyo ko HAHA), yet I felt the need to find the time and insert this into my hectic schedule because I wanted to thank you – for being my sanity, for being my comfort zone.
I know there are days when you feel the same – sobrang pagod, sobrang feeling nyo di na worth it, sobrang nakakaiyak na. (Kahit araw-araw ata to HAHA)
But then, tulad ng napag-usapan natin kanina, we cling to one another. While we feel the same way, it seems as if drowning is fine, feeling tired is fine, working overtime is fine, eating at 4 in the afternoon is fine – because through it all, we have us.
We support each other in ways that never need to be spoken – quickie lunch breaks, walking the same direction together, endless sending of recurring Skype photos – and in these – while simple, we find comfort.
Thank you for being my constants.
My department, too, has never failed to make me happy- to take the stress away, to make all of us feel loved. And they deserve a separate /post/.
For now, this is yours. Because you’re different, we’re different. And I am grateful. Ew.
Excited na ‘ko sa Zambales.
Pero mas excited akong makasama kayo nang mas mahabang panahon, kahit sa loob muna ng mga dingding natin dito – hanggang mahanap natin yung landas na mas gusto at mas kaya nating tahakin.
Mahal na mahal ko kayo, tanga.
(Mas mahaba pa sana ‘to, pero gets, pito pa. Tsaka gets magkikita pa tayo bukas so gets nagiinarte lang talaga ako).
Plus, gusto ko lang iparamdam sainyong kahit pagod na pagod ako, kayo lang, keri na. Kahit mga bastos kayo ♥