I haven’t written in so long that thinking of the first There are days when you find yourself staring I can’t believe how difficult it is to think of a word to begin this rush of feelings You’ve been here. You can survive this.
You’ve been here. You can survive this.
You’ve been here you can survive this.
You must feel really stupid right now for letting every ounce of negativity continue to eat you alive. You thought you were done with this, but the world never runs out of surprises for you – surprises that scare you, that oppose to how you want your life to go, surprises that let your anger rise.
You’re not done with this, and it’s okay. People will see it as your fault – for being too sensitive; for seeing through their darkest parts; for believing in what you see instead of the planned lines and excuses they send you upon reading your questions.
You’re not done with this, and it’s okay. People will be disgusted, disappointed – at the fact that you can do this to yourself – that you let yourself suffer in pain when walking away is probably the easiest choice you have. They will be in shock looking at you, staring at you, as you cry your eyes out over and over again, because of the same person, because of the same reason.
You’re not done with this, and it’s okay. People will wonder how much strength you have in you to continue to be like this – to be able to fight and stand firm for what you still see, even when what you’re fighting for only causes you pain – or to say properly, more pain than the joy it brings. They will ask if you don’t get lumps in your throat and the urge to cry upon hearing lies – and you’re sure that they are lies, even when he/they tell(s) you otherwise, and you will hide the truth that yes, you do have lumps in your throat at the thought that one day, you will be completely replaced, even when you are “assured” that you’re not, that you won’t be.
You’re not done with this, and it’s okay. You will go in circles again and again. The cycle will never end until you choose to stop, until you choose to walk away. Until you choose to break the vow.
And that’s probably why you will never be done with this. You’ll never get tired of thinking that you can survive this; that you will get through this, again.
And it’s okay.
Whatever helps you sleep at night.