Let me tell you a story. I was once asked in a pageant, ‘What is your biggest insecurity?’ and for 5 seconds I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say, and I couldn’t even think of an answer. But of course, I had to have an answer. I had to say something related to that fucked up question. And here’s what it was..
Good evening. I have lived my life with so much insecurity, and that I will never deny. I couldn’t say that I have a ‘biggest’ insecurity, because I have, and still do, live my life with so much of them. One is.. I am very much insecure of my intelligence. I was never as smart as my parents. And it’s such a shame, I tell you. It’s such a shame to have had dreams broken just because you couldn’t attain them. Another is my voice. I am insecure of my voice because ever since I was a child, I wanted to sing. But I can’t, because I didn’t have that angelic voice. I didn’t have perfect pitch, and I was tone deaf. Even if I wasn’t, I self-proclaim that. I am tone-deaf. I couldn’t sing properly, even when I practice all to myself. My voice sucks, and I feel like I’m never going to get to sing in front of many people with them clapping their hands not because they are required to do so after every performance, but because they find my voice beautiful. Lastly, I am insecure of how I look. My biggest insecurity is my physical attributes. I was never that pretty, not the pretty-outstanding kind. No, never. I was never that skinny.. You know, I was never in the standards that society sets and dictates. I was an outcast if that was the basis of life. I wasn’t tall, I wasn’t white, and I wasn’t skinny. I wasn’t thin. I wasn’t “sexy.” And what hurts is that I try to make the people I love.. love me. But they can’t. They won’t. Maybe because I was never ideal. Not their ideal type. Not. No, never. And up to now, as I stand in front of you, I live with those insecurities. They are imprinted in my soul, and probably, forever they will be. But please, let me tell you. Do not add up to my number. One is enough to feel worthless. I am one, and I am enough to feel useless, ugly, fat, and just everything that’s not perfect. And I want everyone, every woman, especially those younger that I am, to see their worth. I hope they never see themselves the way I see myself. I wish, and that I can only do, that they will see themselves the way God sees them. Because they were made in perfection. They were made with such beauty that they don’t deserve to look in the mirror and tell themselves how ugly they are. I made that mistake, and I still do. Exactly the reason why I don’t want each and every one of you to do the same thing. Please, see yourself as someone worthy. You are beautiful. And you must never let your insecurities eat you. Never. Keep your soul intact with your mind, with your heart, with your being. Remind yourself of beauty, and that beauty is you. Do not live the way that I did. Do not let your fears and insecurities fuck you up. You are worth more than that. You are beautiful. You are gorgeous. You are pretty. You are worthy.
They stood up, and clapped their hands. But I was minutes beyond limit.
But they thanked me for inspiring them.
Up to now, I live with insecurities. Each and every effin’ day of my life.
So please, if you read this… don’t feel the way that I do. Don’t ever lose yourself to your demons. You are perfect.
And if one day I get to see and be able to say that to myself, I want you to have been first to do so.
You are pretty.
You are worthy.
And you should free yourself from your fears. From your insecurities.”