When you lose something, you gain something better.

I probably won’t tell you when, where, and how I lost my phone. But let me tell you what else got lost. 

I am not materialistic. I lost quite a few…lol, a lot of… things already. And I mean a lot. When I lost “that” phone, it wasn’t the first time. Whether they had to be returned to people I borrowed them from, or I lost them thanks to my stupidity or carelessness, and *this is the part where I blame other people*… the fact that I lost them is still there. 

So yeah, I’m really not materialistic. I don’t really save money for materials that I’d like to buy. Although I search for a few gadgets, a few clothes, you know, the usual. But as long as I still have things that are working, I don’t replace them. No matter how old they are, how “disgusting” they look, and how useless they seem to be, I don’t replace them, because for me they still work. 

Now here goes my story. 

I lost it. And there is no way I’m going to tell you how (unless yes you are one of the few people who are aware of this HAHA)

Point is, I need to move on. I told myself that I need to move on from this. And a lot of people already told me the same thing. That I need to move on from it. But we all know how hard it is for me to move on from certain things. HAHAHAHAHomg. But seriously, i think everyone knows how hard it is to move on from something. 

I didn’t lose “just a phone.”

I lost something that was a part of me. A big part of me. A big big big part of me. And I was with it for only about.. a month? And a half? Like that, probably. But it feels like we’ve been together forever. *cries*

That phone had a lot in it. 

It had the 8gb SD Card my mom gave me for Christmas. I kept on complaining how phones gave away only 2gb SD Cards when you buy them. Who am I to complain =)) But srsly. And that SD card had a lot in it… HAHA. 

It had a lot of games. No, not a lot. Only my favorite. But they were my favorite games. It used to have Carrot Fantasy, which I got addicted to for 2 days straight. When I lost it, it had

  • Minion Rush – it was probably my favorite game of all time. I loved minions, I loved minions a lot. A lot, lot, lot. I unlocked every location there is. I collected a lot of those coins? No… uh the black ones. The G’s. Whatever you call them. I finished a lot of challenges. And I played everyday so I can get a lot of those G’s so I can finally buy my minion a decent costume – and I was planning for the one that sings “Oh chiquita banana.” My favorite location was Downtown. My favorite power-up was the Moon because the minion was in a pink astronaut suit and I swear it was so cute and besides you never see a minion walking on the moon and catching stars that looked like cereal. 
  • Flappy Bird – when I exchanged my old phone for that, I thought I lost Flappy Bird. But one of my closest friends bluetooth-ed it to me and I was so happy. As of the moment, in the new feel of the game, I think my latest highscore was 65. HAHAHA. 
  • Zombie Tsunami – which I played every night when I couldn’t sleep. I never even got to 60+ zombies and that’s such a sad thing. I loved the Tsunami upgrade, huhu, really. I loved playing that game especially with sounds because the sounds were too annoying. And I loved its annoyance. 
  • 2048 – Or I think I deleted that the day before it was gone. The point is, it was in that phone that I finished 2048. That after 2 weeks of knowing the technique, I finished and got 2048. No one will ever understand my frustrations in that game. I played it on nights when I was outside because I hit anything that was close to me every time it was “Game over.” 
  • Word Search – I think I played it once and won and beat my brother’s high score. I found all the words in 206 seconds, beating my brother’s 300+. I never really played the game. I just kept it so my brother can have something to do with it every time he borrowed my phone. 
  • Crazy Doctor – I NEVER EVEN GOT TO FINISH WITH THE FIRST PATIENT IN THE DOCTOR LEVEL. I was so happy finishing/fixing/dealing with all the patients in Intern level. I was so happy everytime I had to cut something, or cover a hole, or inject stuff on the bacteria. Everything.. the feeling. I loved it when I had to laser wounds after stitching them. And how I got to clean blood everytime I did something wrong and made the patient bleed. this game… I just.. HUHU.
  • RESTAURANT STORY – The first time I saw and tried to play this game was when I went out with Chelsie, my forever beshy, and I remember telling her how boring the game was and how she manages to keep that game….. until I downloaded the game, played it, waited 1 minute for french toasts, 3 minutes for bacon and (I think I forgot), 5 minutes for omelette, 15 minutes for fruit salads, 30 minutes for Clam Chowder, 16hours, 22 hours, 2 days. I WAITED FOR LONG MINUTES AND HOURS TO SERVE FOOD TO MY CUSTOMERS WHO GOT MAD EVERY TIME I HAD NOTHING IN MY RESTAURANT. I named my restaurant “Ysel’s Resto” which was so stupid. I expanded it once. I bought it a wall clock and a painting. The best thing I served was Chocolate Fondue, and it was the last one cooking when it got lost. I always served Clam Chowder. I bought the resto about 5 new tables and 10 new chairs. I bought a new stove. It was my favorite game next to Minion Rush. I woke up early to serve food. I slept late to choose food to cook. But now, it’s gone. All gone. I mean, I even had my beshy give me tips almost every day so I can save a lot of money so I can decorate the whole place one day. I’m really sad. Just so sad. 

Aside from all of these games, I had a lot of saved shit in that phone. And no, they’re not the bad kind of shit. They’re the good kind. The kind that makes you call them shit because there are no words to describe them. My memos contained all the quotes I used for my Comm 3 class speech – the one that should have had the title “Quotes by BBG.” It also had notes in it, for my friends, for my friends BEFORE, for myself, and for Ken. I even had prayers in it, like notes to God. Of course, being Ysel, it had a lot of quotes in it that… come from everyday life. Haha, you know I save those, especially when they’re really funny and.. good. Haha. 

I never really used the S Planner that much. But I think I saved my birthday there, and my family’s, and my closest friends’. Just them – the most important people. 

My favorite apps were there. Hahahahaomg. Yes, favorite apps. 

Wait, as much as I want to complain about how I can always reply to other people using that phone, I wouldn’t, because I can get the sim card replaced. But only that… 😦 

So yes, my favorite apps. And they were always in order. ALWAYS. Whether they be in my menu page, or on my home page. 

Facebook. Twitter (which was so handy huhu), Instagram AND OMG I LOVED MY PHONE FOR THAT HUHU, and Tumblr. It was so easy to scroll along their pages and just save the photos that caught my attention. A lot of them, most of them coming from Tumblr. I posted on Tumblr using that phone, same with Instagram. 

Then next to those 4 were Viber, 9Gag and WeChat. Ohmy, my priorities HAHA, but srsly. We all know how useful Viber is, same with WeChat… and 9GAG HAHAHA. And losing them hurts. Because I never got to back my conversations up before I lost the phone. My WeChat convos with Karl (since last year omg srsly). I remember him asking me what the real score was between me and his long-time-forever-feelingkountilmedschool-classmate is/was, and when I told him the story he couldn’t believe it. I also remember sending him voice messages of me singing Jiggelypaf jigeliiiiiipaf. My WeChat convos with Ken too, when he still had his WeChat and used it often… HAHA, like the voice messages I sent him, the photos I shared with him, just every piece of WeChat memory. HAHA 😦 And my convos with Bet. The stickers we shared with each other.. the stickers I bragged to her because she didn’t have them. The stories we told each other through WeChat. The plans we made.. the way she scolded me on what the hell am I doing with my life. You know, bestie convos. Those kinds.

9Gag. GUYS PLS. I love 9Gag. I procrastinate via 9Gag. HAHA, I browse 9Gag when I couldn’t sleep. And I know that this shouldn’t really be a big deal because I can still look at 9Gag via laptop, desktop, whatever means. But you know why it’s saddd, huhu, ’cause I saved photos of my favorite posts and looked at them everytime I wanted a good laugh. And it was easier sharing posts from 9Gag to Facebook, Twitter, and Viber through that phone. *sighs*

Viber. I can cry now, really. Now this, this, this, meant a lot. Because.. just because. Viber was my ultimate way to talk to a lot of people. But most especially, to my Mom (when she’s about to sleep and forgets to tell me something), to Gail (every time she had problems and needed someone to be there), to Bogs (HUHU OMG MY CONVOS WITH BOGS GRABE SERYOSO, THIS IS HEARTBREAKING BECAUSE WE SHARED A LOT OF JEJE PHOTOS TO EACH OTHER AND I MEAN IT, RAK NA ITUU PHOTOS, F4 PHOTOS, A LOT, JUST A LOT. AND OUR HUEHUEHUE COLORCOLORCOLOR TINTTINTTINT CONVERSATIONS), to Chelsie (Aside from her being my bff, everytime I needed tips in Restaurant City, everytime I needed to tell her something, everytime she had stories to share with me, and vice versa, everytime I was in an emergency bitch situation… just every time. Every single time), and to Ken (I don’t even have to explain this. Because the fact that my conversations with him were there is enough to prove how sentimental I am and how my phone’s loss breaks my heart so much. yes I know, I didn’t really lose him, but those convos count as memories, as good ones. Like how we talked even when he was far far away… And how I sent him links, photos, 9gag posts, voice messages singing Do You Wanna Build A Snowman… how I told him stories of my summer, how people put shit on me, how I applied for SA and blabla, how I….  JUST. EVERY. SINGLE. THING). 

 

And now… the heaviest reason. The heaviest burdens I try to get over with. But I just can’t. Not now. 

It had a lot of photos in it. A lot songs. 

My Gallery had lots of folders. And as far as I can remember, they were

  • 18th – which of course, had my debut photos in it, my favorite ones, so no, the ones that are probably shit by now aren’t there (anymore)
  • Family – A collection of my favorite family photos!!! My birthday photos, our photos from a few years ago, our Christmas escapades, our random photo-taking, our Mom-daughter, Dad-daughter, Kuya-sister, and Eli-ate selfies!!! My photos with relatives… huhu comeon. 
  • Area – my favorite batch photos. “Favorite,” so…. HAHAH. Friends’ debuts. Our getaways. Photos of GGkids. Diliman photos. Fat-Friday photos. Field trip photos. Baguio photos OMG HUHUHU, Rizal photos (yung first photo ko with Joey na nakangiti sya di ko alam bat naubusan nako ng english hahaha), even the Histo4 Bulacan photos were here. Our last days photos, too. The ones we took with Sir Advincula, in Army Navy, after Comm3 exam.. Huhu.
  • Instagram – GAAAAAAAAAAHD. 
  • Tumblr – the good ones, the sad ones, the religious ones… the food photos. Just every single Tumblr photo that I loved. They were there. They. Were. There. 
  • Camera – HAHAHA omg, ALL MY SELFIES. GONE. GONE. GONE. ALL MY HIPSTER SELFIES. ALL MY DUTY SELFIES. ALL MY WHATTHEHELLAMIDOINGWITHMYLIFE SELFIES. GONE. My food photos huhu haha. :(( My spaghetti photos. My selfies. So many selfies gone. 
  • Bluetooth – and the most recent were our Palawan photos and that day photos. Yep, that was April 24? Our swimming at Cheska’s. The latest bluetooth-ed photos. I wanna cry now. 
  • Viber – the doodles I shared with Ken, the jeje photos Bogs and I shared, the screencaps Besh sent me. *cries*
  • Facebook – A LOT OF THEM. THE ONES I TOOK FROM CATH’S ALBUM (the Tagaytay HumII fieldtrip photos) 😦 AND PHOTOS I SAVED FROM STALKING KUF. I stalked Kuf to get throwback photos and they were really funny so I even stalked myself and got funny photos and saved them… and they were saved in this album. 
  • Friends – I think that was the name of the album where I saved AdU friends photos, especially with Krith :(( Huhu. Omg. 
  • LF – Yep, I had an album composed of church photos. I love my friends… huhu. And I save photos of them, too. Almost all the time. 
  • Screen Capture – I SCREEN CAP A LOT OF THINGS COME ON. FUNNY CONVOS. WHILE PLAYING GAMES. MINIONS… THE MOMENT I GOT 2048. Photos I couldn’t save so I just screencap them. A lot. A lot. *cries*
  • Minions – YES I HAVE AN ALBUM JUST FOR MINIONS. This doesn’t need explanations. This breaks my heart. 
  • Kuf – OF COURSE. Aside from the recently-stalked photos, I have an album just for Kuf. Just for the best people ever. For the best friends I am so lucky to have. Like photos of our Laguna getaway last grad. Our debut photos. Our highschool photos. Our college meet-up photos. Our time together photos. MoA photos. Birthday photos. Surprise birthday photos. EVERY. KUF. PHOTO. Sleepover photos. Home visit photos. Hedgehog photos. You know… the photos you stare at everytime you miss them.. yes. Those photos. 
  • B ❤ – HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE yes those photos. My photos with Ken. Our selfies. Our photos everywhere (Naalala ko nung kinwento ko to kina Chelsie HAHA). Vigan, Baguio, Pizza Hut, Greenwich (oh… wala ata HAHA), our first photo together, our last selfie, our stripe photos, our Ayala lights photos… gaaahd, our photos with the minions. The photos we took.. by ourselves and by other people. *smiles* *cries* *smiles* *cries* Yeeeaaaah, those photos. I actually remember looking at them when I was on duty, youknow. *sighs*
  • JejePicsxzz – THESE ARE MY PHOTOS. MY SELFIES. MY SOLO PHOTOS. THE PHOTOS THAT ONLY HAD ME IN THEM. A lot of them were really jeje photos, hahahahahahahaah. But these were MY photos. No one else in the frames. No one. Just me. Me and myself, spending life together.. ❤ Now gone. All gone. 

Okay, this seems as though I am over reacting. And I know, that the ONLY PHOTOS THAT ARE TOTALLY GONE  are the Camera photos.. that all the other photos can be found anywhere else. In my other phone, on Facebook, on Tumblr, on 9Gag, on my friends’ phones. But the fact that they can be found anywhere else sets the apart from everything else. because I chose to save them in my phone and look at them every time I felt sad or I wanted to go back to the days when they were taken. They were memories packed in one gadget, in one SD Card, in one phone. And it will take a lot of time to actually browse the net to see them again, to find them, to look for them… They were memories saved in a phone and took me only 5 seconds to look for them, and forever to stare at them. Yeah.. that kind of feeling. And I know. They’re probably just photos for everyone else, but for me, they were parts of my being. Parts that I can find in 5 seconds to rebuild me again every time I broke myself. They were inspiration, motivation, and reminders. 

And lastly, songs. My favorite songs. 

Wait, I remember a friend telling me, “idownload mo nalang ulit” in a commanding manner which actually had me taken aback because come on. 372(?) songs. Gone. And I listened to all of them. I wasn’t the one who downloads lots of songs and skip those I don’t like. Because I only download the songs that I like.. (Maybe except for the Hum II ones.. because I did delete the ones that I never liked HAHAHA). 

My favorite songs. And I remember Ken telling me, “Lahat naman favorite song mo.” AHAHA.. but srsly. It had my favorite Elem songs.. yeah, like Mmmbop by Hanson. Penny and Me by Hanson.. Eminem songs.. Oh, Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon. 

My favorite songs from Highschool omg. Like Take Your Shirt Off.. HAAHA.. Terrified, Ang Huling El Bimbo. Ohgod, my favorite OPM songs! 😦 It Ends Tonight, You and Me, My Heart, Club Couldn’t Handle Me… HUHU lahat.. Lahat ng pinlay nung Highschool pa ‘ko.. 

My favorite Paramore songs. 

Happy by 2ne1. Yes I have to emphasize this. 

I even remember downloading a lot of Taylor Swift songs 3 nights before. A LOT. And continuously playing them because who knows why. And it had the songs that I cried to everytime I felt down. Because I believed, always believed that you need to cry, so I listen to sad songs everytime I was sad. And when my heart felt heavy, I turned to Sia’s Breathe Me, and to Hillsong’s wonderful heart-warming songs. 

It had the songs that Van8, NO, MY BEST COLLEGE BUDDIES, played on the way to Baguio. I remember how we sang our hearts out to A Thousand Miles (cue: THAT’S MY JAM), Tonight, Hips Don’t Lie, Take you There, BOOTY MUSIC HUHU OMG, and ME LOVE. Yeah, Me Love. We were so noisy because we were all singing! SEE HOW MEMORABLE THESE SONGS ARE?

It had Closing Time, which will forever remind me of the time when Sir Ong saw.. “us?” and took us to school with him when it was raining so hard. 

It had Zedd songs! COME ON, ZEDD SONGS. And we all know who I remember with Zedd.. 😦 It had Alive. It had Spectrum.. most especially, it had Clarity. 

It had THE WHOLE SAVE ROCK AND ROLL ALBUM. NO BAD DAY WAS NEVER FIXED BY FALL OUT BOY. And not just that album, but my favorite FOB songs from years years years ago. 

It had my debut 18 Roses songs… Yeah… so that’s sad, right? *cries*

And the songs I just downloaded.. the recently added ones. 2ne1. IU. 69 by Tpain… YES. HAHAHA, I just downloaded that song that day… and listened to it only twice.. HAYY. Tiesto’s Red Lights. Arctic Monkeys’ Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High which I played even in the bathroom. CASHCASH’S TAKE ME HOME. LORDE’S TEAM. BASTILLE’S POMPEII. BIRDY’S LIGHT ME UP AND COVER OF LET HER GO. DAVID GUETTA’S JUST ONE LAST TIME. PINK’S TRUE LOVE (which is my song for you, K… HIHI and you know that <3)

THESE SONGS REMIND ME OF GOOD THINGS. Of good people, of good places, of memories since forever, of you, of him, of a lot of good things. And a lot of bad things I like looking back to and laugh at. 

These songs were my comfort. They made me happy. They made me feel good. They were my life put into words and music. They were my feels. They were my lullabies. They were my own happy-birthday songs. They were the songs I dedicated to many people.. and to one. The songs I listened to everytime I tried to move on, and the songs I listened to everytime I was reminded that no, maybe now’s not that time to let go yet. The songs that I listen to on short and long trips. The songs that I play when I hear them on the radio and try to get them played at the same time. UGH HAHA. 

So no, if most of you think I am overreacting because it’s easy to get over something that’s gone, no. I’m not, and it isn’t easy. It’s heartbreaking.

They’re not “just photos,” “just games,” “just songs,” they were a part of my life packed in one phone. And no, that wasn’t just a phone. It was a “thing that had lots of good memories in it.” And though I can still have these memories taken back with a new phone and a new SD card in time, right now is what matters. The fact that right now they’re not here… is sad. 

And I’m sorry. To myself. Because I lost these good things. I lost them in one night. Without back-up. Without anything to save me from this now-existing misery. 

But I remember what Sir Esguerra told our class. Whatever happens in our lives now, we have planned them before we were born. So I probably planned this in another life. I just don’t know what comes next. 

I learned my lesson now. And of course, I should. I’d slap myself if I didn’t. 

So, let me grieve over this for quite some time. For quite a long time, maybe. Depends on the circumstances. Let me not get over this for a time. Let me cry over spilled milk. Let me feel pain for things I have lost. 

…so that when the day comes that something better appears, I’d be happy. I’d be happy finally getting over a big part of my life. 

I do not know, and no one knows, when I will get over this. 

And I think that’s okay. 

I lost a valuable thing. 

I lost something that meant (maybe) so much to me. 

I lost something that had phases of my life packed in it. 

Yeah. Sad, I know. 

But it will get better. I’ll get better. I’ll get over this. 

*sighs for now*

Hehe, but yeah. HEEHEHEHE, okay lang. Okay lang talaga. 

Maybe I can pretend I never had it. Hahaha. 

I don’t know. HAHA, just do something good with my life while it’s gone. 

Yeah. Cheers and hugs, guys!

 

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