Ang tagal ko nang di nagsulat.

Yung huling sulat ko dito, January. 2 months ago. Grabe no. Mas matagal pa rin yung magiging panahong di kita makakasama. 

I am afraid that I’ll cry to every song that will remind me of you.

I won’t eat in all the places we used to eat in together. 

I won’t watch the movies we’ve watched when they get to be screened on TV. 

I’m afraid i wouldn’t get better. 

..that I’ll come off as too clingy when I know that I just miss you. 

..that my days won’t be normal, because normal for me has meant “with you.”

..that I will stare at every photo of us, the first one up to the last one. 

That I’ll remind myself of everything we’ve been through. Everything. The fights, the happy days. Everything. every happy and sad thought. 

And I don’t want to cry. No, I don’t.

But my emotions and my demons will come over me. They’d live through me in the course of not being with you. And as much as I want to fight them, you’re not here. I try to learn to fight them on my own, but I feel weak. 

And I don’t know what to do now. Now that we won’t be together. For a very long time. 

I’ll hold you close, in every thought, in every dream. 

And in everyday, I will hope and pray that you’re okay. 

That you’re smiling on the other side. 

That you’re happy. 

I miss you. 

Already, 

Love.

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