Maybe the thing is, I need one whole day of plain crying with you, just you. Crying my heart out.  Crying the thoughts that remind me how lucky I am because I love you, and you let me. And crying the pain out because you can’t, don’t, and won’t even try to do the same, and with all honesty, that really hurts. I want you to hear me sob as I try to hold back the river in my eyes, and as I thank you for all that you’ve done, for what you made me. I want you to hear me blame you as well, even when I know that this is my fault, generally. I want to embrace you, and feel home, the way I feel a few months ago, as time changed you now. I want to look into your eyes, and make you see that I look so stupid, and I get bashed a lot more than you think, yet I still want to fight, fight for you. I want you to look at me with sadness in your eyes, feel my pain, lift my spirits up, help me save myself. And just never leave. Never ever leave. 

But time will come, we’ll have to. We’ll both have to.

And if that happens, I hope you remind yourself everyday that I really, really, really loved you.


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