Maybe it isn’t about totally forgetting. Just, trying. To be better.

This is purely practical.

You don’t have the energy to feel this way anymore. It hurts and it’s a waste of time. You need that time to do other things. You need to finish your finals or work on your novel, and you can’t do those things when you’re hurting, not really. You can’t really do anything when you’re hurting, except maybe eat things from jars by the spoonful and lie in bed all day and sigh.

Before you do anything, you need to stop thinking that if you just project enough energy out into the universe, you can change the facts.

These are the facts:

You want him, and

He does not want you.

So you’re going to have to forget him sooner or later.

Unless you’re one of those types that believes in things like destiny and magical thinking, in which case none of this will be helpful.

But if you want to help yourself forget him, here are some ways to try:

First, stop finding excuses to see him. Stop thinking of times of day in terms of where he might be and what he might be doing there and stop putting yourself in his path accidentally on purpose. This will be hard because you’ll have to restructure the way you perceive your days, but changes in perception are good. It helps to keep in mind that it makes no difference to him where you are and what you’re doing there either.

Also, don’t think of his name as His Name. Train your heart to not freak out and start crazily leaking blood when it pops up on your phone, when you say it, write it, think his name at all. Extract its significance from your limbic system. Repeat it over and over until the sounds don’t make sense anymore and you feel blissfully nothing.

Stop reminding yourself how much you want him. Not that this is the magic cure, it’s that things are only as real as the intensity of the thought you invest in them. De-intensify the thought. This is how you make things less real.

You have to start thinking he’s average. Average people aren’t disarming. No one says, you give me heartstop because you’re so delightfully average. If you’re going to forget him, you have to forget all the ways she’s different. Blank out everything that makes him “Him,” and then you might start to feel better.

Or, alternately, tell him how you feel in great luminous detail and let him reject you head on. Replay the rejection in your head later if you start to feel hopeful. Nothing quite puts you off something like overexposure.

The two prime movers in the Universe are Time and Luck.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

– Mila Jaroniec/ thoughtcatalog

*originally Her, but for formality, and for feels. 

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