You’re not the only person who’s feeling bad and slashed right now. Others are feeling worse than you are. And you’re only feeling this because you don’t understand why some people choose their attitude towards other people, and you’re not part of that “other people.” You don’t understand and hate the feeling that some people who are special for you choose people they want to talk to. No, choose people they “have time” to talk to. And you’re not one of the “chosen ones.”
I know you have lots of stories to tell them. Or maybe it’s a him. Or a her. And I bet it’s the second one. You have lots of stories bulked up, and you just keep quiet because you’re not sure if he wants to hear them. Or if he has “time” to read what you’re going to send. Or maybe you’re just too sad knowing that he’s not going to reply on that message the way he does a few months ago. But that’s one thing you need to accept. People change. You changed, too. You weren’t this sensitive. You’re stronger than this. Tears didn’t fall off your eyes when you felt a tinge of jealousy. But now they do. And you need to control it. Because sometimes, people won’t understand. There will always be those who’ll state, “Ang arte mo.” And that’s because they’re not in your shoes. They don’t know how it feels to be you. And it hurts to change like you did. You became fragile. You broke faster. You’re not a brick anymore. You became a glass. You break easily. And you cry in a shorter period of time compared to your ability to hold back your tears a few months ago. A year ago. Years ago. It’s the people around you that change you. You become softer when you meet special people. Because you trust them with your being.
You’re special, okay? Don’t forget that. You can cry when it’s too much. You can cry when you feel like the person, or the people, you miss don’t miss you at all. Or maybe they do, but they don’t tell you. Or maybe they really just don’t. Maybe that’s another thing wrong with you. You tend to miss people only hours after you’ve last seen them. What more with days? You’re too clingy. You become too attached. So when the person is far, and just doesn’t feel that gap the way you do, you feel pain. But you can’t force someone to feel the way that you do.
It’s going to hurt. They’re going to make you feel bad, unintentionally, even. Pero wala ka namang magagawa kung hindi na talaga tulad ng dati eh. If they cared for how you felt before, and they don’t now, may magagawa ka ba? Wala naman diba?
It’s the difference of before and now that cuts the deepest. It’s when you can point out which one was when.
But that’s life, girl. Everything’s temporary. People will come. They’ll throw you into the air, letting you have the best feeling in the world. And sometimes they just leave you. They won’t bother catching you.
And sometimes, people come. And stay. No matter how hard it is to be with you. You told this person once, you don’t know how he does it. Put up with all your flaws, and that possessive attitude of yours. Be grateful. Not everyone can do that.
I know. Sometimes the person that makes you feel good is the same person that makes you feel bad. But that’s life. Fall Out Boy may be right about the trigger. But if you still have the guts, then you can still that song until it takes the pain away.
Some people will never tell you that you’re pretty. Some people will compare you to others. About your physical attributes. They’ll tell you you’re ugly. About your emotional abilities. They’ll point out your flaws. About your beliefs. They will debate and do lots of things just to prove you wrong. And sometimes, you’re just not strong enough to fight back. Just keep your head up.
Some people will not commend you for your efforts. Some will not appreciate you for the time, and the extra time, you’ve given, you’re giving, you’ll give. Let them be. For love begets love.
Some people would want to see you compete with them. Compare the hours with your minutes. But remember, love defies the principle of time. It does not matter how long. No, it doesn’t. Let yourself be.
Girl, you are loved. You may not feel it every time. It’s because you don’t need to. You just have to know.
You will feel bad, for a lot of times.
Go ahead and feel bad.
Go ahead and cry.
Go ahead and fill yourself with insecurities.
One day, you will be stronger. Maybe not today, not tomorrow. Not in a few months, years. You’ll get weaker and weaker. You’ll cry harder. You’ll cut deeper. You’ll beg in a much more desperate way.
But do not lose hope.
People will learn to love you the way you love them.
Things will get back to the way they were before.
But you need to be stronger, okay?
I love you. And God does, as well. And the people around you, too.